Lyrics to the cult classic ode to video games, “Proto Culture.” From the album, Both Sides of the Brain.
KU: Raise it bit by bit, OK…
Chorus:
Let me tell you about the Proto Culture
If you don’t know the culture, here’s the whole structure
We’ve had enough of the lackluster, trust us
We get the kind of games you can’t rent at Blockbuster
KU:
Game-related, raise it bit by bit
Yo D, link-up the cable we’ll go hit for hit
Phantasma plasma particle beam means I have ya
On the run, rendered effects hot like magma
Del:
I play games by Capcom with a Power Glove strapped on
On any platform, I don’t spend my dough on Phat Farm
Video games, I got many to play
Before my life expires, fulfill my desires
KU:
Mastering your hardest boss
Shattering all stars across
Ain’t hard to cross the finish line
Floatin’ on Daytona
Wex, Gex or Kloana, I get ’em all at cost
RPG, platform we transform like Macross
Del:
Rival Schools, Batsu
Purchase you ought to
It came with one free CD, it’s like I bought two
I hope they make part 2 for Dreamcast
‘Cause games I’ve seen in mags, you won’t believe they have
KU:
Getting callouses turning over Asteroids
Graviton bombs destroyed
Getting moms annoyed
Now I’m hacking Nightmare Creatures
Their features splattered across the screen
It gets more clean each year
Del:
I remember my homie Ed Coats had the most
A ColecoVision, every week I’d visit
Playing Donkey Kong Jr., Venture, Rock ‘n Rope
Games I thought was dope
While my moms was watching soaps
KU:
I’m on the next level
I got a double-barrel shotgun in the Doom world
Waiting on the next devil
Armor’s low, check the arsenal
Rupture the main conductor playin Disruptor
Del:
I remember Ninja Gaiden
Finished it finally
But Ramone, wouldn’t answer the phone
This was before getting blown
I own the first Nintendo Power
With the maps to Zelda, help me conquer in an hour
Chorus:
Let me tell you about the Proto Culture
If you don’t know the culture, here’s the whole structure
We’ve had enough of the lackluster, trust us
We get the kind of games you can’t rent at Blockbuster
(2X)
Skit:
KU: Man, what happened to GameFan, know what I’m saying?
Del: Ah, they was cool at first, but now we got Gamers’ Republic, though!
KU: E. Storm? Know about E. Storm?
Del: Man, EGM is hella weak.
Del:
Hey K.U., you know my SEGA collection is massive
Got all the past hits and classics
Herzog Zwei now Panzer Zwei
Originality that made me a fan today
KU:
It’s Pandemonium, it’s like Toys ‘R Us
Flippin’ the next Saturn game brings out the boys in us
It’s poisonous
Taking out the boys in blue in Grand Theft Auto
Snatch a Rolls Royce to use
Del:
Yeah, I’ll admit that PlayStation improved
Come visit feudal Japan with me and Tenchu
Bushido Blade 2 with sword play so accurate
Mega Man Legends but I had to buy a map for it
KU:
I’ll fence Hyo to get a Neo Geo
For Samurai 64 in full rendered splendor
Rival-counter and enter my sword in his innards
My joint was being Leonardo whoopin’ on Splinter
Del:
I gotta get Xenogears, that’s the type of game that relieves my fears
Get it from overseas to here
I gotta get Psychic Force
Authentic arcade that I can endorse
They got me liking imports
KU:
I’ll need to be at the next E3,
What’s the next CD I need to see
Me and D signing checks
Let’s float overseas, mingle with game companies
Giving tips to Capcom and Sega, can’t front on these
Del:
To anyone who knew me better
Know I chose Saturn first ’cause it’s 2D heaven
Bernie Stolar dropped the ball with the RAM cartridge
X-men Vs. Street Fighter could’ve expanded the market
KU:
Marvel Vs. Capcom, beyond fathom
Tell the truth, PlayStation ain’t ready to have ’em
Come on, I’ll bring the onslaught
Alpha and Omega
Khaos Unique brought to you by Sega
Chorus:
Let me tell you about the Proto Culture
If you don’t know the culture, here’s the whole structure
We’ve had enough of the lackluster, trust us
We get the kind of games you can’t rent at Blockbuster
(2X)
Skit:
KU: Man, you was a fool for getting the Dreamcast before anybody else!
Del: Know what I’m sayin’? Sonic Adventure…Man, Shingo was whoopin’ me in Sega Rally though, that’s the clean shit!
KU: But you know, it’s all about DOOM. I’m all DOOM’d-up, I got the knowledge. You know what I’m saying? I’m all DOOM.
Del: Man, you gotta get up though, on giggidy! Virtua Fighter 3? Arcade perfect?
KU: Rival Schools…
Del: Giggidy…You know…
For more, check out: The History of Del the Funky Homosapien & Video Games.